Hi there. It’s been a while since we’ve chatted.
I’ve not been in the best of health recently. I’ve been a bit sick . I’ve self-diagnosed it to be…writing constipation.
Yep, you heard that right. I am currently down with writing constipation.
I don’t say writers block because I think this is something very different. It’s not that I’m staring at a blank sheet of paper for hours wondering what to write about. Frankly speaking, it’s rather the opposite. There’s so much I want to write about.
I still have those light bulb moments in the day where my eyebrows shoot up as an idea pops in my mind. I could be walking to the station, writing up an email or just gazing out the window. But the second the idea pops up, it’s almost like a race against time to grab the words onto paper before they disappear into nothing. It’s almost like the dreams that seem so vivid and real in our sleep but become a set of broken foggy thoughts the second our eyes open.
And most of the time, by the time I’ve got my notes app, I’ve jotted down the first sentence and then my mind’s blank again.
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The reason
As I sit here trying to figure out how I reached this point where I’m struggling to do something I love so dearly, one thing dawns upon me.
I haven’t been experiencing writing constipation until maybe a week or so ago. Just last week I was writing nearly every day. But the problem was that every time I nearly finished writing up a post, I would decide not to post it because, for some reason, it felt too personal.
The irony of this is that I began writing publicly with the very intention of remaining raw and personal. I was aware of how much reading personal stories of others resonated and impacted me and I wanted to create that space too. And also I was aware of my own weakness, of how I struggled to be vulnerable with other people. So for a selfish reason, I decided to write publicly about my struggles and idiotic moments to grow comfortable being vulnerable.
But then people began to read. The real-life type of people. Not just the lovely strangers from the online world. And I remember being in situations where I’d come across people who I barely knew or had known from years ago, but who seemed to think they knew everything about me based on a single post they’d read. Obviously, these were rare occasions but they left me feeling a tad uneasy. I didn’t like the idea that people thought they knew me and thought it was ok to make these judgements about the whole of me based on a 3 minute read.
And I think as result, without realising, I began censoring my own writing. And then it became nearly impossible for me to write, which is where we are at. Writing constipation.
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The cure
So what’s the cure to this condition, you ask.
I’m not fully sure because I don’t think I’m on the other side yet, but what’s currently helping me is —
1. Talk/ write about it
Figuring out what’s stopping you from writing out your amazing ideas is the first step really. Although for me, the main reason seems to be the fear of being personal. For someone else it could be the fear of high expectations, etc.
Also I’m hoping it works like when you have a horrible stomach for weeks and so you decide to book an appointment at the GP. You go to the GP and pour your heart about all your complaints about your stomach. Your GP nods along and gives you this huge prescription to buy. Then you go home and suddenly your stomach feels perfectly fine. Without a single tablet.
Let’s hope pressing publish on this is what makes it all fine!
2. Stop caring about what random people think of you
If random people want to paint judgements about you, that’s on the them. Not you. It makes no sense to change the way you work based on people who don’t care much about you.
If you come across them next time, just laugh at them. Trust me mate, it’s the best solution.
3. Embrace being vulnerable
There is power in being vulnerable openly. The people who are the most vulnerable openly are the ones who are usually the most grounded. Because they are absolutely comfortable with everything about themselves. The good, the bad and the ugly.
They might not be proud of their weaknesses. They might be working extremely hard on them. But they’re completely open and authentic about that too. Interestingly enough, these people are usually the most loved because we appreciate their honesty and sincerity they have about themselves. We all know what strength and courage is needed to be like that.
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If you reached till the end of this ramble, thank you my friend. I appreciate it!
I hope we get to meet eachother in my next post too. Until then, if you have any thoughts about what you’ve just read let me know (in the comments or any other way). I’d love to start a conversation!
