I Quit My Corporate Job
There’s a plethora of blog posts and YouTube videos out there about people who have left their jobs and how it was the best decision they ever made. But it’s pretty hard to find one when someone just planning and thinking about taking steps to leave.
It’s because these moments are filled with so much uncertainty. Things are terrifying. You really don’t know if what you’re doing is the best decision for you and your future. You wake up, it’s on your mind. You walk to work, it’s on your mind. At your laptop, scrolling through emails its on your mind. Every moment you’re balancing the pros and cons of staying or going. You wonder are you being too hasty? Shall I just grind my teeth and work through this job? But then another part of you groans, no that is impossible.
And it’s hard to want to share that side with the world.
The thing is, hindsight makes everything clear. Hindsight turns the challenges of the journey into a heros quest. But when youre in the moment, it’s all just raw sweat and tears.
So I wanted to share that side with you. And see if in the end of this all, was this a heroes quest or a fools errand.
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It began around a year ago
I wrote this more than 6 months ago. But 6 months later, I was still tapping away at my keyboard, screens flipping from one excel sheet to the next.
Then finally, a few weeks ago I did it.
I finally took the leap and said good bye to my 9–5 (but is audit ever just 9 to 5), posh-sounding stable job and jumped into the unknown.
I’ve been at this job ever since I graduated around 2 years ago. I entered the job knowing that it wasn’t going to be all fun and games. But I was fine with that, because I knew there was more to life than that.
But around a year in I started really questioning my decisions.
Why I took the job
I’d taken this job simply because 1. It was a prestigious firm. And 2. It made me feel like I had my life put together. I had just graduated with an Accounting degree and now I was joining a firm that would help me qualify as a chartered accountant. I was going to be working up that corporate ladder! It sounded so beautifully perfect on paper.
But things took a turn
But one Tuesday morning, the morning after a bank holiday weekend, things took a turn.
I woke up that day to the sunshine streaming through the window blinds and the gentle sound of the breeze outside. I remember smiling widely, feeling excited for the day before me until it hit me that the long weekend was over. It was half 8 on a Tuesday morning. My smile disappeared and this weight grew in the pit of my stomach. I groaned, dragged myself out of bed, each footstep feeling heavier than the last.
It was a standard day at work. The client I was working on wasnt complex, I had no impending deadlines or exams around the corner. Nothing stressful, just a standard work day.
But as I stood infront of the bathroom mirror, staring at my reflection, I knew it wasn’t the stress of the job I was tired of anyway. It was the daily work that I wanted to run away from. The work that required me to switch off my creative side, the side that wanted to explore and create new ideas, to just work through endless piles of numbers. There was so much more that excited me, but I was spending most of the hours of my day, doing work that drained me instead.
Taking the leap
I had to decide, was I ok I going to live a life that sounded nice on paper, that felt good to talk about over dinner with a bunch of aunties at a random social event, but was draining me in real life?
I knew the answer. Yet taking the leap and saying goodbye to a picture-perfect life was difficult. One that would’ve been impossible without the support of my husband.
It made me realise the power of good companionship. There were many times before meeting my husband where I’d come close to leaving this job. But each time, just a passing comment from someone close about how lucky I was to have a job like this or how leaving this job was a sign of ‘my lack of resilience’ was enough to scare me off from resigning. But then I met my husband, and it was his gentle reminder to stop living for others but to your own true potential that gave me the strength to say goodbye.
Was it the best decision
To be honest, even though I took the leap, my biggest fear still is being asked ‘what are you doing now?’ Or even worse – ‘whats your plan for life?’
Because do I have a plan? Not really. The truth is, I’m planning to try out a job here and a project there. Maybe it’ll take me 2 years. Maybe 3 or 5 or 10 years to figure out ‘my path’. Or maybe I never will.
Maybe I’ll end up realising I really was being a young idealistic girl who thought it was possible to find a path that truly mattered to her and I’ll end up back in the seat I was trying so hard to run away from.
But at least then I’ll have no regrets. I’ll know I made a decision based on what I believed mattered, not what people thought.
So with that…bismillah for the beginning of a new chapter.
A disclaimer though -
I know I’m speaking for a real place of privilege. The ability to choose a job based on what one wants over just the income it provides is a huge privilege which I’m fully aware of. Yes, I don’t rely on my job to keep me financially stable, alhamdulillah, and that’s the only reason I was able to go tak this leap.
For anyone who knows there’s a path out there that they would prefer taking instead of the difficult job they are on but sticks to it to provide for their family and loved ones, May Allah reward you abundantly in this life and Next.
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If you reached till the end of this reflection, thank you my friend. I appreciate it!
I hope we get to meet each other in my next reflection too. Until then, if you have any thoughts about what you’ve just read let me know (in the comments or any other way). I’d love to start a conversation!
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