#42 Reflections: Childhood Duas, Childhood Dreams

What's something you've always wanted as a child that Allah has blessed you with now?

When we were younger, we had so many things we wanted in life. We had an image of the type of life we wanted. The type of person we wanted to be when we became older. Some of these dreams we may have made dua for, some of them we kept as whispers in our soul.

The more I think of the dreams I had for myself, the more they make me snort with laughter. Younger me had no clue what she was really signing up for when she dreamt about striding out of tall glass buildings with laptop bag in one hand and a coffee in the other. When she dreamt about sitting at a desk with the city view outside. When she dreamt about being cool and articulate, talking about things she was confident about to all sorts of people.

But although they make me snort with laughter, they also make me in awe and gratitude to Al-Mujeeb (The All-Answering). Because none of these dreams I had as a kid were things I actively made dua for. They were just things I thought were cool when I looked around me.

And here I am, more than 10 years later, striding out of a tall glass building with a laptop bag in one hand, alhamdulillah. (the other hand remains empty without a coffee cup because lactose-intolerance is real.) At a desk with a city view outside, alhamdulillah. Talking to different people every single day, (hoping I sound articulate), alhamdulillah.

I am not writing about this to show off my current situation. It’s rather for the complete opposite reason. I have been at this job for nearly 6 months now and every day I wonder if this was a good idea, and whether to take another route that I so dearly want instead. But today as I sit at my desk, with the sunlight (surprisingly for Manchester) pouring in, and the skyline of Manchester stretched out in front of me, it suddenly hits me how kind Allah has been to me. And how ungrateful I have been.

He answered the childish wishes I held to myself more than 10 years ago today. Yet instead of falling down in prostration out of gratitude and enjoying the blessing He gave me, I am trying to find a way out of it instead.

So this is kind of a pep talk to myself. Yes, it is true that dreams can change as we grow older. And yes, we should continue to ask Allah for guidance about the steps to take towards these new dreams. But at the same time, while you make dua for doors to be open towards your new dreams, make sure you are fully content and grateful for the place you are in now. Because you are only in this place now as a result of Allah's kindness to you. As a result of Him answering your previous prayers. How can you expect Him to continue opening doors for you if you are not truly content and grateful for where you have reached today?



I write to make sense of the world, to make sense of myself. Instagram: @neemu.reads

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I write to make sense of the world, to make sense of myself. Instagram: @neemu.reads